The Courage to Be Disliked, a thought-provoking dialogue between a youth and a philosopher, explores the intersection of Adlerian psychology and ancient Greek philosophy, offering a compelling framework for personal and financial growth. Central to Adler’s philosophy is the concept of individual responsibility and the power we possess to shape our own lives. Unlike Freud, who emphasized the deterministic influence of past experiences, Adler posits that we are driven by future goals and aspirations, offering a more empowering and optimistic perspective on human nature. This forward-thinking approach provides valuable insights into how we manage our relationships, our careers, and, significantly, our finances.
One of the most transformative ideas presented in the book is the “separation of tasks.” This principle emphasizes the importance of discerning between what we can control and what we cannot, and focusing our energy solely on our own responsibilities. In the realm of personal relationships, this means respecting the autonomy of others and refraining from interfering in their lives, while simultaneously protecting our own boundaries from intrusion. Applying this to financial life planning, we learn to focus on aspects within our control – budgeting, saving, investment strategies – while accepting that external factors like market fluctuations are beyond our influence. By concentrating our efforts on actionable steps and releasing anxieties about uncontrollable events, we create a more effective and less stressful approach to financial management.
Adler further identifies three fundamental life tasks: friendship, work, and love. These are not presented as “problems” in a negative sense, but rather as inherent challenges that every individual must navigate. The foundational task is developing a healthy “attitude toward one’s fellow man,” which Adler suggests should be based on equality and camaraderie, a “horizontal” view of humanity. This perspective then informs our approach to work and love, fostering collaboration and mutual respect. Financially, this translates to recognizing that money is a tool to support our relationships and endeavors, not an end in itself. Prioritizing human connection over material wealth creates a more balanced and fulfilling life.
The book’s core philosophical departure from Freudian thought lies in its emphasis on teleology over etiology. Freud’s etiological approach attributed present behavior to past experiences, suggesting a degree of determinism. Adler, in contrast, championed a teleological perspective, arguing that our actions are motivated by future goals and aspirations. This forward-looking approach liberates us from the constraints of past mistakes and empowers us to consciously choose the direction of our lives. In the context of financial planning, this means that past financial missteps do not define our future. We can learn from them, certainly, but we are not condemned to repeat them. We are free to set new goals, adopt new behaviors, and create a more prosperous future.
The empowering message of teleology resonates with Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy, which emphasizes the search for meaning and purpose as a driving force in human life. By focusing on what we want to achieve, rather than dwelling on past failures, we cultivate a sense of agency and motivation. This shift in perspective can be particularly transformative in overcoming financial challenges. Instead of labeling ourselves as “bad with money,” a self-defeating and limiting belief, we can choose to focus on developing new skills, adopting healthier financial habits, and pursuing goals that align with our values. This approach requires courage – the courage to be disliked, perhaps, for challenging conventional wisdom and defying expectations – but it is ultimately the path to financial freedom and fulfillment.
Applying these Adlerian principles to practical financial planning involves several key steps. First, embrace the separation of tasks. Concentrate on financial decisions within your control – budgeting, saving, investment choices – and accept that external market forces are beyond your influence. Second, acknowledge the interconnectedness of the three life tasks – friendship, work, and love – and consider how they influence your financial decisions and overall well-being. Prioritize healthy relationships and meaningful work, recognizing that financial success should support these endeavors, not overshadow them. Finally, adopt a teleological perspective. Set clear financial goals that inspire and motivate you, and focus on the steps needed to achieve them, rather than being held captive by past financial mistakes. The courage to change, to grow, and to pursue a more fulfilling financial life lies within each of us. By embracing these principles, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with money and create a life of greater meaning and purpose.
